I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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