Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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