If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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