If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
