but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
