btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
