I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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