Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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