They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
