I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
