I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
