I showed him my bush... on skype.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
