Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
