I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
