What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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