Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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