:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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