he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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