There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
