did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
