I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
