Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
