i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
