the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
