So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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