my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
