i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
