he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
