I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
