none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
