I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
