I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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