things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
