dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
