Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
