you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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