Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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