If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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