At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
