Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
