I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
