if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
