At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize