Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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