The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
