i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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