u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He better not be in your backpack
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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