I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
