I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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