he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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