somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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