i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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