How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
