Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize