His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
