Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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