He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
