why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
