I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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