I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
