Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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