life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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