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You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
