The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
