A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize