Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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