my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
organizing the empties. That sober.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
