It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
