either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
