I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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