When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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