When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
